JessicaRocks.net

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I’m not happy about the fact that they did credit me. Instead, the credited the person who gave them the picture. It’s ok though, I have the original.

Just to let you know, I think I like you.
You know who you are.

For two nights in a row, I dreamed about spiders. Millions of spiders. I looked it up on an online dream dictionary and this is what came up:

Spiders
To see a spider in your dream, indicates that you are feeling like an outsider in some situation. Or that you may want to keep your distance and? stay away from an alluring and tempting situation.? The spider is also symbolic of feminine power. Alternatively, a spider may refer to a powerful force protecting you against? your self-destructive behavior. If you kill a spider, it symbolizes misfortune and general bad luck.

To see a spider spinning a web in your dream, signifies that you will be rewarded for your hard work. You will soon find yourself promoted in your job or recognized for your achievement in a difficult task. Spiders are a symbol of creativity due to the intricate webs they spin. On a negative note, spiders may indicate a feeling of being entangled or trapped in a sticky or clingy relationship. It represents some ensnaring and controlling force. You may feel that someone or some situation is sucking the life right out of you.

To see a spider climbing up a wall in your dream, denotes that your desires will be soon be realized.

To dream that you are bitten by a spider, represents a conflict with your mother or some dominant female figure in your life. The dream may be a metaphor for a devouring mother or the feminine power to possess and entrap. Perhaps you are feeling trapped by some relationship.

The first two sentences described exactly how I’ve been feeling. Now, I normally don’t pour my guts out on my web page (at least not in a direct manner) but lately I’ve been feeling disconnected with my long-time friends. I feel like I try so hard to keep the people from my past close and I get little in return. For instance, I was feeling down yesterday and I needed someone to talk to. Friend # 1 said they would call me later and never did and friend # 2 asked me what’s wrong then the second I start explaining she asked me to hold on and forgot i was on the phone. I sat on the phone for 5 minutes waiting for her to return and she didn’t.
Maybe its because they don’t want to hear my shit. If that’s the case, just tell me that.

And it’s not just them. My “art buddies” from school have also been leaving me out of things. So I’ve reached the realization that I might have been a bit happier when I was a loner. Maybe I’m just one of those people who thrive in their own solitude. One thing’s for sure, I won’t make plans with myself and be disappointed when I cancel them, which I feel like everyone, even my own family, has been doing. Maybe I’m an annoying person and people just really don’t like being around me.

Nonetheless, I have taken a vow of solitude. There will be no looking for friends after class. My phone will stay on silent, therefor it won’t be like I’m ignoring people’s phone calls. I will vacation alone, I will go out and hang out alone, and I will erase all the people from my past out of my life, those who have claimed to be my friends and “there for me” but won’t give me 5 fucking minutes to hear what I have to say. The people who gave me years of emotional abuse, the people who tried to rip me down, the people who betrayed my trust will all be erased and I will start new.

Goodbye, past!